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repercussions 1see the thing is that
nobody ever thinks their
taste in music is
bad.
nobody ever
finds themselves
on the wrong side of the war
if they're still
fighting.
the only time it ever
happens
is
if there is no way
out.
fragment 11for being such a fighter,

i've never been worth
fighting
for.
white noise.sometimes i turn off the greasy yellow lights and run the water lava hot.
the quiet porcelain is an untouched coffin
familiar as the look in your eyes.
i can hear my heart beat in my ears
and i stare at the ceiling until it darkens and blurs at the edges.
my body is heavy as lead
i cannot remember the weight of movement.
sometimes the closest i can get is the suicide between each breath
and the apology unspoken on the inhale.
my skin is a ladder i keep climbing,
i can see through the rungs to the fat cells that weigh down my bones.
sometimes,
my hand becomes his when it creeps uninvited over the landscape of my body
and across the staircase of my ribs.
i can't erase the feeling of his body pressed like a book
over my flower.
my head is white noise that bleeds red,
but i'm tired of all the blood.
tired of all the memories like channels
i keep flicking past.
sometimes i wonder if i cut enough slack in my skin,
              &
32you were gone before it even sank in that you were really there.
habit is the worst thing, cause it made me so blind to the fact that you could
just as easily be snatched away from me.
i should have hugged you at least four more times
i've spent the better half of a year being your definition of evil and insane
at the same time. i've known better than everything i've done, but done it
anyway. god knows i've repeated the same tedious/dangerous/stupid
actions over and over wanting/expecting different results.
you wouldn't be proud of me for anything anymore.
but i'm still mad at you, i'm sure of it. if you waded through the
rising tides, or peeled away my blue like old house paint, you'd find something
that screams how you broke everything inside me. and how you were one single event
that taught me that just cause something ends, that doesn't mean its over.
and that i will waste every single change given to me.
the only thing you ever told me that i listened to, was to rest occasionally.
slingshot words.there are a million worlds living in your head
            begging to be wrapped around your tongue and released like a slingshot
     into the heart of some stranger you may never meet.
001   i am a whirlwind of
     bruised knees
       (purple)

     an aching heart
      (dark blue)

     twisted guts
        (red)

          &
  a regret that could
   crumble mountains.
  (green-green-green)
fragment 22i have
so many reasons to run
and,
by the second,
a dwindling list
of reasons to
stay:

funny when some
one
can be both
on bad habitsand how mine was always you.
remindersand,
hey,
it's okay
to run sometimes
too:
even when it's
in your nature
to fight,
and no -
running is not always
cowardice,
know
it's often
brave.
well i'm here and now whati've got all this alcohol and nothing
to light on fire,
so i suppose
i'll just have to
drink it.
and i've got
all this gasoline and
nowhere to go,
so i suppose
i'll just have to
drink that,
too.
funeral pyresif there is a bridge for your body
i am looking for it anyway,
somewhere i can lay my head
down for a while and dance
on the bricks later - stay
a while and tell me all the things
you swore you'd never
say to anyone. burn a few
things that were never really
mine to begin with, burn a few
things that were always
mine to begin with.
collect the ashes and
spread them in the deep
black sea, part (it
with) your hips and
let the tide
carry (you)
they have drugs for these thingsit's
the way they
seek to diagnose,
not to treat.

see,
the second you admit,
agree,
that something inside of you
is just a little
off,
they let it go.

they figure,
oh,
now they know,
i've done my good deed
for the day.

they figure,
oh,
they know,
so they'll sleep easy
now. they'll
deal with it,
now that they know
what they're dealing with.
they'll get someone else
to hold them up, someone
better suited. someone
they're closer to.

but

giving it a name
doesn't change the symptoms
and the more people
who know, and do nothing
are just more reasons
to feel the need
to prove a point.
sounds, sounds, how they bloomlinnet's wings along my
stomach lining,
little honey lullaby please
hurt and hurt and hurt
again.

swallow me whole before
someone (thing)
else
does

and wrap the wire
hard
around my ankles where it
belongs. i will follow you
anywhere

if you'll sing me a
song
it doesn't have to
make sense;
most nothing ever
does

and should i
sink
before i wake, keep
my breath in your harrowed
hull.
sometimesi'm
tracing the veins in my
wrists with
blue ink, which isn't
far off,
it sinks in
and settles there.

i am hellbent
on finding the most
efficient - or maybe just
amusing - way
to destroy myself
entirely.

it is only as easy as
you make the
targets stand out,
blue lines
spidercrawling
spindles of gold
so close to
touch,

i wouldn't put it past
me.
chromakey dreamcoatoxygen sighs into my
skull and i wish
it wouldn't,
spurring thoughts too clear
for comfort,

you and i both know what
this
means:

such an elixir
of honey and
poison;

it all tastes the same.
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a list

:iconvvolatile:

things i'm not sure of (anymore?):

- how to love someone
- how to let someone love me
- how to forgive
- how to forget
- how to read people
- how to believe people
- how to call bs (on the right things)
- how to mean something
- how to breathe
- how to stop
- how to feel
- how to not
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:iconvioletense:
~violetense Feb 19, 2013  Student Writer
Simple but powerful.
Reply
:iconvvolatile:
=vvolatile Feb 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you <3
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:iconamihimawari:
~AmiHimawari Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:heart:
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:iconlittle-supernova:
~little-supernova Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oooooooh.
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:iconvvolatile:
=vvolatile Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
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